Thursday, June 14, 2012

Karma's (Going to be) A Bitch

Last month, the New York Mets somehow unclenched the meaty jaws of their no-hitter curse when "ace" Johan Santana no-hit the Cardinals. This shocking turn of events furthered the Mayans' theory about the fate of Earth and more importantly, added a little too much swagger to the Mets. Mets fans were once easily identifiable throughout New York by their slumped shoulders, thinning hair, and "woe is me" attitudes. However, with the weighty curse no longer holding them down, suddenly frowns turned upside down and shoulders unslumped (nothing, unfortunately, can unslump Ike Davis). The overachieving Mets are still over .500 and David Wright is playing like an MVP. Even 37 year old knuckleballer R.A. Dickey, previously best known for his autobiography and stupid beard, is turning into an ace. Dickey currently has a 32 2/3 scoreless inning streak, a Mets team record.

Get ready for a lot more of this, Mets fans

Dickey continued his dominance last night, allowing one hit in a complete game against the Tampa Bay Rays. Ordinarily, a team that got a no-hitter two weeks earlier would be happy to accept a one-hit shutout against a quality opponent. Not the Mets. Their new-found swagger did not come with a dose of humility. The Mets have the nerve to appeal the one hit that the Rays got, arguing that BJ Upton's roller to David Wright should be ruled an error.

Amazingly, the situation was reversed just two weeks ago when former Mets great Carlos Beltran hit a clear double off the foul line, but the third base umpire called it foul. Beltran deserved a hit, just like Upton did, but the Mets got a lucky break and their streak ended. Baseball has shit like that happen all the time and only idiots called for an asterisk next to Johan's no-hitter. Yet the Mets have the goddamn nerve to ask for outside help to get them a no-hitter they clearly don't deserve. Guess what dipshits, YOU ALREADY GOT OUTSIDE HELP.

Terry "Marie Antoinette" Collins, the Mets manager, is going to get slapped in the mouth by the Karma gods (Karma is an Eastern concept defined as "action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation."). So Mets fans, enjoy being tied for second now because you are going to finish in last and invoke the wrath of the Karma gods for the next 53 years.


  1. There are easier ways to support the high likelihood that the Mets aren't legit contenders than an appeal to the realm of Vishnu (See run differential as probably the clearest). Also, don't mistake optimism for swagger. Knocking a Mets fan off his pedestal is as easy as mentioning any from the following list: Omar Minaya, 2007, 2008 (heck any year since 2006), Oliver Perez, Luis Castillo, Madoff or Bobby Bonilla's Contract (look it up). Every Mets fan knows that the team is a Santana - or Dickey, for that matter - shoulder-tweak away from the cellar. So let's not pretend that Mets fans are out there on the streets of NYC beating their chests like Russell Crowe in gladiator after a couple decent months and an umpire-assisted cherry-popping no hitter. Mets fans are happily surprised this season, if not a little giddy. And after the shitstorm of the past few years I don't think anyone in MLB should begrudge them a few minutes to savor the moment.

    This sounds like the ramblings of a Braves fan confused and frustrated to be tied in the NL east standings with a team currently starting Omar Quintanilla (I don't know who he is either) at SS.

    Also, you're right that Collins' appeal is a load of horseshit. But in the overall scheme of things, who really cares?

    1. You are right that there is a plethora of low hanging fruit I could have grabbed to make fun of the Mets. This whole article is like 90% in jest, I just wanted Mets fans to not get a little ahead of themselves and hope for a second (cheapened) no-hitter. Enjoy battling the Marlins for 4th and thanks for reading.