Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The Whole 42 Letters 13: 12th Electric Boogaloo

Rough game on Monday, am I right fellas? Your letters.

In honor of last night's travesty: Do you actually think people as a whole will stop watching the NFL -- will ratings go down enough to make a difference?

Will some people stop watching the NFL next week? Yeah. A decent contingent of people will not watch Week 4 because of the replacement refs. They'll be back within 3 weeks though. Ratings might go down slightly for Week 4, though I don't really foresee that. Maybe MNF will have its lowest ratings in 5 years or something, but I can't see anything drastic coming from this. Pretty soon people will stop being mad and start making replacement ref memes ad infinitum and this whole thing will become more funny than infuriating by Friday. If we're not back to normal by Week 5, we will be by Week 6. And that kind of makes me sad, because this is an actual reason to stop watching, at least for a little while.

At what point is the tipping point? The NFL is all about safety, but these refs are making the game more dangerous because players are getting used to the refs, rather than the refs getting used to the NFL.

First of all, the NFL is NOT all about safety. Roger Goodell is absolutely full of shit. He goes to bed every night thanking his lord and savior Beelzebub that the Saints' bounty scandal thing happened so he could scapegoat them for this "safety" thing and not actually have to take it seriously. Roger Goodell actually wanted the regular season to be 18 games. In fact, that was something he was extremely reluctant to budge on in the lockout negotiations. He is not about player safety. He's about being full of shit. And because of this, there is no tipping point. The NFL does not take safety seriously.

Also, I love how you used a quote from my previous post in that question. Really though I actually love it a lot.
Can you see players boycotting against the refs? (It seems like the entire league is in agreement about them)

Going against every logical fiber of my being, I'm going to say yes, I can see some players boycotting against the refs. I could see a coach telling his players to walk off the field before kickoff. I would love that so much. This situation is that bad, let's not get it twisted. These redneck asshole dumb as shit refs are doo-bee-dee-booping their way to getting murdered by a pack of linebackers.

Is it possible that Bud Selig is currently the best commissioner in the 4 major American sports leagues?

Bud Selig is DEFINITELY the best Commissioner of the four major sports. We're all fucked. His only "competition" is David Stern, who locked out his players and the season started late last year, and that whole Chris Paul to the Lakers trade being blocked shows just how much of a fascist he is. Selig is actually the best. That's really unbelievable. Here's the even scarier thing: Goodell is not in last place. Under Gary Bettman, teams from good hockey markets have moved to like Atlanta, there have been expansion franchises that were never going to make money in places like Phoenix and Miami, and the NHL season has been canceled twice in like 6 years. He's doing everything he possibly can to kill hockey. Even Goodell isn't that bad.

If you're on the seahawks, what would you say after last nights game?

You say that you got the win. There's no reason to say anything else. You have nothing to apologize for. That's what real competitors do. If someone hands you an advantage, you take it. Just like when Derek Jeter faked getting hit by a pitch. It's more of a bitch move in that case because he danced around like a little girl and faked it intentionally, but it's up to the umpire to watch the game and get the call right. If he doesn't, the player doesn't have to say Uhh excuse me, but I believe you got that call wrong. It's like in school when your teacher accidentally gave you extra points on a test. Only the little shits and brown nosers told the teachers. Golden Tate should have been called for pass interference, and it should've been called an interception. That's not the Seahawks' fault.


Now that we've had a full season plus of the kickoff being moved up, do you like it, or hate it as much as I do?

I hate it, but I'm surprised by how quickly I got used to it. Most of the time, it doesn't even occur to me that it wasn't always exclusively touchbacks. This is one of those "player safety" measures that doesn't get to the root of the problem. It's just the most visible way to make injuries on certain plays go down slightly. And it's a great way for Gingerballs Goodell to say WE HAVE TO MAKE SERIOUS SACRIFICES FOR THE SAKE OF PLAYER SAFETY! Meanwhile, a main REASON returners get injured on kickoffs is because of two-man blocking wedges. But people may not be able to see that, or may not be able to tell what it is, so let's just go with the really obvious and visible "safety" initiative. Again, Roger Goodell does not care about safety and he's full to the brim of shit and he's a terrible person and I hope he gets neutered and HOW DID WE GET ON THIS TOPIC AGAIN

Okay, for real this time. Changing the subject.

Would you support a World Cup for basketball if, like with soccer, it meant de-emphasizing the Olympics (possibly with an age limit)?

I think the Olympics do the trick. Everyone takes the Olympics seriously except us, and we still bowl over people. I don't see how a World Cup would be different. It works in soccer because there is a good contingent of countries that can actually win, and it's super competitive. A basketball World Cup would just be another Olympics, which would be great, but if it means de-emphasizing the Olympics, I don't see why it's necessary. I mean just look at the basketball World Championships...we just send Kevin Durant and crush that shit.

What's the best kind of Asian ethnic food?

The "ethnic" foods from Asia I know of go by country. So for instance, I can differentiate between northern Italian and southern Italian food, but I don't know different regions of any Asian country's cooking. So the Asian nations whose cuisines I've eaten are China, Japan, Thailand, Vietnam, India, Mediterranean countries like Israel, Korea a little bit (North and South I guess), and uhh that's about it. I'm surprised I've never had like Indonesian or Filipino food, but whatever.

In any event, this is a pretty hefty list of great cuisines. I really like all the ones that I've tried. I think the best average meal I've had has been from Indian food, but perhaps the best meal I ever had from any of these would be Chinese food. I think, however, I'm gonna have to go with Indian food. It's always really great whenever I've had it. And besides, why would you get Thai food when you can get win food?

What amount should you tip? At a restaurant? Delivery guy? Does the quality of their service matter?

I think everyone knows that The Whole 42 Minutes is THE authority on politeness and etiquette, so this question perfectly suits us. Here's something you might not know about me: I'm a very good tipper. I'm not even making that up. Do you like me more now? How could you not?
Here's the rundown of tipping:

Restaurant: If the service was good, you take the first digit in the check (assuming the check is between 10 and 99 dollars) and multiply by 2. Then, if the second digit is less than 5, you simply give whatever change would make the bill an even dollar amount. If the second digit is 5 or above, you just add another dollar. So if you had good service, and the bill is $42.42, your tip will be $8.58. If the bill was $48.42, your tip will be $9. If you get bad service, wing it but don't go below like 15% except in extreme bad service cases.

Delivery: You go with about 15% here, but you can go a little less if it takes forever. Only go below $2 in extreme cases.

Deli Counter: Sometimes if you pay at a deli counter with a credit card, they give you a receipt that has a space for a tip. Ignore this. These people are assholes and they're not even gonna bring your food to you. You're paying for the food, not for the cashier. I don't tip the cashier at Target every time I go there.

Taxi: I've only taken a taxi twice in my life. So like probably a couple bucks, I have no idea. I'm not a city person.

Valet: I've only had to tip a valet once in my life, and I gave him $2 I think. Something like that seems appropriate. I mean for Christ's sake, he might have stunk up my car or taken the change in my middle console or something. $1 is probably fine.

Hotel Cleaning Staff: I'm no hotel expert, but give like a couple bucks per night and any change you have lying around. I get the feeling these people don't get tipped nearly enough. People can skip out on these tips easily because the person isn't right there to take it. People are bastards. You know what, $5 a day for these people. I'm getting mad at fancy rich white dicks now because of possibly incorrect assumptions I just made in my head.

Barber/Hairdresser: $2-$4 if you're me and your haircut costs under $15. I usually give my Barbara like $3 or so (note: I go to a hairdresser named Barbara, but if you say Barbara fast enough, people will think you're saying barber. It's a great way for me to still go to a hairdresser and not lie about it, but it sounds like I'm a real man who goes to a barber).

Barista at Starbucks: NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. "I go to Starbucks for their exemplary service and friendly staff!" --zero people in the history of mankind.

The guard who takes you to a jail cell when you're visiting someone in prison: A couple bucks. This happens in a scene from My Cousin Vinny, but this scene does not exist on the Internet. How disappointing.

If I missed anyone, lemme know.

Which muppet quarterback is your favorite?
If you had to pick muppet doppelgangers for each of your bloggers -- who would they be?

Realistically, the last like 25 of those are huge stretches. But I gotta say my favorite is Roethlisberger as the Bread Monster. Ben Roethlisberger is nothing if not dougy.

As for the bloggers' Muppet dopplegangers, hmmmm...

Muchin is obviously Scooter.

Seansie is the lovable Dr. Teeth.


And I've been told that I look like Brad Pitt.


Send questions to Muchin for next week. YOLO!

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