Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Twenty-Second Letters Segment

The Most Thoughtful Sports Analysis on the Blogosphere will be tackling many thought-provoking issues in this week's edition of The Whole 42 Letters. Anon:

Where are you on the Peyton Manning/Andrew Luck saga these days? Do you think, with almost a season's worth of hindsight, the teams did the right thing?

So back in March, I wrote a post  about how I thought the Colts were making a mistake letting go of Peyton Manning. Jon then wrote a counter-post. In the meantime, the Colts are having a winning season, and Luck looks like he has the makings to be a really great quarterback. Peyton Manning is also having a Peyton Manning-esque season with the Broncos, and he's in the conversation for MVP of the League. Peyton Manning is having a much better season than Andrew Luck. The Colts, who are now 7-4, would almost definitely be even better with Manning than they would be with Luck. I think the Colts should have just bitten the bullet and paid Peyton Manning, had Luck sit, and played for the Super Bowl. Everything has kind of played out as I figured it might (not that I made any bold predictions; I said Manning would be great and Luck would struggle but be fine), so I'm sticking by what I said in March.

Would you ever go hunting? What about fishing? Is there a reason we seem to make such a distinction between the two?

First of all, I have gone fishing. Ehhhh I didn't enjoy myself so much. And no, I don't think I would ever go hunting. In the Vincent Gambini vs. Monalisa Vito debate on hunting, I'm going with Lisa. I don't want to shoot a deer or a rabbit or anything. I mean, I'll eat their meat, sure. But I don't want to see the light go out of a little fawn's eyes as I slay it for the purpose of manly bloodsport.

Also, you don't have to kill a fish if you go fishing. That's the real difference between hunting and fishing. Mammals have more feelings than fish, too. A fish doesn't have thoughts or feelings. Have you ever looked a fish directly in the eye? There's nothing. A deer feels stuff, though. It's thinking about grassy knolls and glens and brooks. Maybe even bluffs. Gulches? Probably not.

If you were President, what would you carve into the desk in the Oval Office? Would you carve it or use a pen/marker?

I'd carve what every president in this great nation's history has carved into that hallowed desk: a cock 'n' balls and the DEF LEPPARD logo. It's a tradition passed down from George Washington, the HEADBANGIN' HEAD OF STATE.

Since we're past Thanksgiving, I've started hearing Christmas music played all over the place. Other than five golden rings, what's the best thing to sing and to get in the "12 Days of Christmas" song? The amount doesn't have to matter for what you want to receive.

Let's do this by process of elimination. Here's a list of things that suck in that song: all the birds (partridge, turtle doves, French hens, calling-ass birds, laying-ass geese, swimming-ass swans), leaping-ass Lords, and piping-ass pipers. That leaves only milking-ass maids, dancing-ass ladies, and drumming-ass drummers. Who doesn't like a nice, wholesome glass of fresh milk? I'll take the maids. The dancing would get awkward after the first 6 hours, and how much drumming can you really take? These metalhead presidents are all like DUDE LISTEN TO THIS 14-HOUR DRUM SOLO BY THAT ONE ARM GUY! Drum solos are not that cool. Except this one. Either way, I'll take the milk.

Giants fans are awful. They tried to tell me that they wouldn't trade Eli for Aaron Rodgers straight up. Ignore their idiocy, and ask yourself a similar question for Tom Brady. Is there any QB that you'd trade Brady for straight up? Assume that we are talking about 1 year (so age isn't as big a factor) and that the QB would get an off-season to learn the new offense

Their idiocy is ignored.

For one year, I think it would be hard to justify trading Brady for anyone. The only quarterback I'm comfortable saying is probably better than Brady right now, in a vacuum, is Aaron Rodgers. But would I trade Rodgers's marginally better talent for Brady's 10+ years of experience with this offense? No, I don't think that would be a smart move. I'm gonna say that I'd keep Brady for the year.

Who's the bitchiest between Frodo, Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter? They're all pretty fucking annoying when you think about it.

I'm gonna go with the Tatooine Twinkletoes. I don't know if he bitches the most, but his bitches are the bitchiest. Just watch the first movie and listen to how he talks about the droids, about joining the academy, etc. It makes you wonder how he got that part in the first place. It's not like they were scraping the bottom of the barrel here. They got Harrison Ford and James Earl Jones for this movie. Sir Alec Guinness! BILLY DEE WILLIAMS! How Mark Hamill snuck into this cast is beyond me. Then again, how Hayden Christensen got to be Anakin was just as baffling. Star Wars casting sucks for lead roles.

You didn't read the last two Harry Potter books. Explain yourself to the people.

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA hey listen don't even KNOW ME. And this IRRESPONSIBLE allegation could not be farther from the truth. I didn't read the last THREE Harry Potter books.

Book 4 came out in July of 2000. I read this book, but it took me a long-ass time. And by the time I was done with it, I was ready for the next one. And then I waited. And I waited. And I waited. And then in June of 2003, the fifth book FINALLY came out. Three GD years. And then, lo and behold, the fifth book is 8 billion pages long. Even longer than the last one. Am I gonna be some NERD and sit down a read that? NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I figured I'd just wait for the movie. Which I did.

Sammy Sosa won't make it this year because of steroids, but does he deserve to be in the Hall of Fame anyway? Despite the gargantuan home run totals, he's a pretty borderline case in my opinion.

Yeah so a lot of these guys, like Clemens and Bonds, will be on this year's HOF ballot. Stay tuned for more posts in my HALL OF FAMER SERIES OMG SO THOUGHTFUL.

According to WAR, he's at 54.8 for his career, which is more or less borderline. He's a little bit ahead of HOFer Willie Stargell, and a little bit behind non-HOFer Dick Allen. I think that, when you add steroids to the mix, he probably doesn't belong in the Hall of Fame. You could make the "historic home run total" argument, but that's the very thing that's most tarnished by his steroid use. His strongest argument for HOF status is his popularity and his role, along with Mark McGwire, in bringing baseball back after the 1994 strike. I think that type of thing matters for the Hall of Fame. Still, though, I don't think I would cast my vote for him.



  1. We should try to include a Step Brothers link in every post.

  2. What Giants fan would say that.

    Rodgers for Eli straight up, in a heartbeat.