Thursday, November 22, 2012

The Whole 42 Letters: Thanksgiving Edition

Gobble gobble everyone. Before jumping into your questions, let me get to a few things I am and am not thankful for. I'm an not thankful for having to watch the Cowboys and Lions. Somehow these two terrible teams always play at home on Thanksgiving. Whyyy?????? They've won one playoff game since 1997 (yay Andy Reid). This is the only time that people actually watch Thursday NFL games and you subject us to Matt Stafford and Tony Romo. Come on.

I am thankful for the fact that my family doesn't have some lame ass Thanksgiving tradition. We don't all go out and play touch football like we're in a Wranglers commercial. No, we are real Americans. We sit around and half watch football all day, eat a disgusting amount of food and then sit and feel fat until we slip into a tryptophan coma. Maybe, maybe maybe we will sit inside a movie theater for two hours but even that is pushing it. If you have to button your pants it probably isn't worth it.

Thanksgiving in my opinion is the most American holiday and for that I'm thankful. It combines all of our best (and probably worst) qualities. Gluttony, that whole committing genocide and rewriting history thing, rampant commercialism, being angry at traffic, drinking while watching football, and we couch the whole thing in some stupid moral lesson that everybody ignores.

This is what I'm most thankful for
Now to your questions:

Which Sex and the City character are you? More to the point, which of the three bloggers is the Samantha of the blog?

Totally unprepared for this question and hadn't wrote my answer in my diary already. Obviously we are all sort of Carries because we are such great writers. However, I hate to say it, but in terms of man whoreness, I'm probably the Samantha of the blog. Jon is the most off-beat so he's the lesbian who lived in Brooklyn--Miranda. Steve is the whitest of us so he's the WASP who loves Jews--Charlotte. 

What's the hottest non-human character in movie/television history? Clarification: people like Princess Leia, though they don't come from Earth, are humans.

Does Mystique count? Usually she's in the form of someone hot but there's always the possibility that she gets tired of being ogled and becomes a regular looking guy. So fine, the answer is Lola Bunny. As any can attest, a girl being good at basketball makes her way more attractive. 

This is the only appropriate picture of her.
The Internet is a disgusting place.

What's the best night of Hanukkah besides the first? Tangentially, how do you usually spell Hanukkah?

The best night is probably the second. At that point, you still are paying attention to the holiday and have some leftover joy from getting presents the previous day. There aren't a million candles to light. Basically, Hanukkah (spelled like this) is the perfect example of diminishing returns. The first night is of course awesome but by the end it's just another chore that you have to do. My family usually forgets to light candles at least twice. It's almost like one day for holidays is better or something.

So a bunch of sports have been modified to accommodate people who are in wheelchairs. We see them at the Paralympics, etc. What wheelchair sport do you think you'd be best at right now?

I'm not very good at balancing so it would have to be something where my arms stayed on the wheels. So I guess racing? Is this a sport? Probably. Is this a lame answer? Definitely.

How many college basketball regular season games will you watch?

At most 10. College basketball was something I used to care a lot about growing up in ACC country, but now the quality of play is just so poor that it's hard to watch unless you have a bracket at stake. Even the best players are so raw and the short three point line makes the game pretty boring in my opinion. Throw in Duke and Dickie V and I'm staying away until March.

What costs more the Taj Mahal or Buckingham Palace?

Interestingly enough, Taj Mahal actually means Crown Palace (according to the Internet) which is definitely redundant but a better name than Buckingham Palace. Buckingham was sold for 3 million pounds (in today's dollars) in the 18th century. So it is probably worth around $3 million (pounds and dollars better be the same because I'm not calculating, this is a sports blog not a nerd blog), or like 13 games of Joe Johnson as your shooting guard. That's the exact opposite of a Sewardian sale (fine maybe we're nerds). The Taj Mahal takes the cake.

When NBA players scrimmage against each other over the summer and what not, do you think people still flop? Do you think ticky tack calls get called? How much defense is actually played? Which player does this help the most? Which does it hurt the most?

NBA players, with a few exceptions of course, have actually toned down their flopping a lot. This of course won't last in the playoffs but I'm enjoying it for now.

NBA players scrimmaging against each other is probably way more interesting in my head. In there, I'm picturing captains, people picking teams, egos being bruised, people getting dunked on and what not. In reality, it is probably a lot of wide open drives to the basket and long threes. These guys make too much money to risk their bodies by playing 100%.

However, assuming that these guys are playing hard, I'd say that no one flops. Well fine Ginobili, Harden, Wade, and Pierce can't get it out of their system. Playing without referees changes the strategy completely. While players are still going to call normal fouls, contact with the body and hand checking isn't going to get called. This really hurts guys who play below the rim like Melo and Pierce. It helps guys like DeMar DeRozan who are leapers, because no one is going to jump and try to block their shot hard. So, remember this when you're picking the four guys to fill out your NBA team on the greatest day of your life.

Wheelchair Man! Stay on your feet!

Thoughts on Soccer's 'sportsmanship' rules. (Kicking it out of bounds when someone's hurt, etc)

Soccer is pretty weird in the sense that you can't stop the game. So you have no choice to but create little timeouts and self-police by kicking the ball out of bounds or giving it to the other team. It isn't much different from the batter stepping out of the box when the catcher gets hit by a foul ball. Scoring on the other team in this situation isn't gamesmanship like bunting with a no-hitter or whatever it is just cheating. Shame on you Shakhtar Donetsk.

If you had to date one NBA player, who would it be?

Well first, you need someone who is rich and going to last in the NBA. Then obviously they have to be a handsome fella. Young, but not too young. Good, but not too good that they'd have a ridiculous ego. Also, I'm only 6'0'' so I'm not trying to date a power forward or a center, I imagine we ain't just sharing popcorn at the movies if you know what I'm saying.

So fine, the answer is Ricky Rubio.