Friday, December 7, 2012

Knicks Anthem

The Knicks are undoubtedly one of the most fun teams in the NBA. Their bench alone has enough endearing ridiculousness for an entire team. They are led by Steve Novak -- a 6'10'' 3-point-shooting white guy with a signature dance move stolen from Aaron Rodgers and rebranded to sell car insurance -- and JR Smith, a tatted-up player with disproportionate confidence in his own swag, but somehow an effective player. These two have formed the unlikeliest of bonds which leads to at least one awkward chest bump/failed handshake a game.

Word is they understand about 40% of what the other is saying


Next to them are the old head enforcers of the league--Marcus Camby, Kurt Thomas, and Rasheed Wallace. These three are old as dirt, angry as hell, and in the case of Rasheed Wallace, happy to get ejected 80 seconds into a game for screaming "Ball Don't Lie."

Moving to the starting lineup, the Knicks are led by Ray "played in the league seven years, about to be eight, came in out of shape one year and that’s all everybody wants to talk about" Felton. That's a real quote from a professional athlete who gets paid millions of dollars. Center Tyson Chandler, NBA Defensive Player of the Year, leads the league in field goal percentage and snarls. He also wears a top hat in every post-game interview, claiming he got the style from spending the summer in London for the Olympics.

Melo is Melo, a ridiculously talented player who, depending on who you talk to, is either one of the five best players in the game and an MVP candidate or a coach-killing, out-of-shape jerk who has only made it out of the first round once in nine years. 

Coming off injury is Amar'e Stoudemire who gave himself the nickname "Standing Tall And Talented" (STAT) and recently announced that he was Jewish. He is also on an uninsured contract, a poor fit for this team, and lacerated his hand on a fire extinguisher during the playoffs last season. 

Add that all together and you have a talented, enigmatic team that might be a new version of Coach Mike Woodson's Joe Johnson Hawks team or the team with the second-best chance to make it to the Finals from the East behind Miami. They can go ten deep with contributions from now underrated Jason Kidd (+31 against the Heat last night), Ronnie Brewer, and 35-year-old rookie Pablo Prigioni (the latest in a proud line of complaining, crafty, European floppers with just an unconventional enough game to fool defenders).

The Knicks' 14-4 record is one of the early season surprises, and to commemorate their blowout win in Miami last night (without Carmelo Anthony), Iman Shumpert freestyled about the Knicks over the "Clique" beat.


The second-year player is recovering from a torn ACL he suffered in the playoffs last year and has found the time to grow out his flat-top, Tweet with the Coach's daughter (a student at GT where Shumpert played), and work on his rap game.

He started the hashtag phrase "KnicksTape" which is just a play on the word Mixtape. He describes it in a Youtube video featuring a fat Baron Davis lounging on his couch by saying: "KnicksTape is a mixtape of personalities all wearing a Knicks jersey playing under Woody." He went on to say "On the mixtape you've got the club song, the sophisticated song, the brand-new song..." That video previews some of this thoughts on his teammates, but his new anthem released today puts it much more succinctly.

Yeah I'm talking Melo/Yeah I'm talking Tyson/and that's a gold medal/Amar'e he know to spike it

There's a 95% chance that Shumpert, who has been sitting next to Amar'e on the bench all season, felt forced to mention the Knicks' $60 million expiring contract third because of the man's ego. 

Mixed Prigioni with Jason and Looorrrddddd Looooorrdddd help them

More beautiful words have ever been spoken about a 40-year-old role player and a third-string point guard.

I've got Novak in the corner Mobb Deeping when he bust

I'd bet $1000 that Steve Novak cannot name a single song by Mobb Deep. 

JR Smith be swishing he just step back and put it up

This is a pretty much a perfect description of JR Smith's game.


Yes this picture was taken in 2012

In a world where teams like the Lakers have to manufacture chemistry by seeing movies together, there's something stupidly charming about a 2nd-year role player putting out a freestyle that compliments all of his teammates. This isn't the Super Bowl Shuffle, but at least it's about as far as you can get from "Kobe tell me how my ass tastes." It's unclear how much chemistry matters, but when your 10th man is rapping about his the 15th man dunking from the free throw line and your awkward white guy is best friends with a guy who got fined for tweeting a picture of a girl's ass, you've got a lot to love chemistry-wise.

The other shoe is going to drop on this Knicks team at some point in the season, but we'll always have the Anthem. Knicks taped.


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