Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Whole 42 Letters: Super Bowl Week

Earlier today while at the gym, I watched the NYU D3 Men's Basketball team practice. In one drill they made 25 straight 20 footers from the top of the key. These guys are D3 athletes without scholarships. Later in practice a few players were windmill dunking. My mind is blown. There are literally thousands of basketball players better than them in college and the NBA. I can't imagine how good like the worst NBA players are. Like Brian Scalabrine would dominate against these guys and he sucked more than an OTP HJ. 

On a somewhat related note: here is Steve Novak dunking in practice.



Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I meannnnnn, Are We Really Surprised?


http://theguestwriterblog.blogspot.com/2012_01_01_archive.html

In the past three weeks, Lance Armstrong, Alex Rodriguez, and Ray Lewis have all either admitted or been accused of taking performance enhancing drugs. Each man has his own unique circumstances, but essentially, it cements the idea that PEDs are rampant and this in all likelihood will never change.

Armstrong's long fall from grace ended with some farts into Oprah's excessively comfortable chaises. Cycling is basically guys on drugs riding bikes in France for two weeks, and as awesome a story his triumphant return from cancer was, name five bike riders in the Tour of France. So that's not super interesting, but it also happened recently and I wanted to talk about farts into couch cushions.

Joe Flacco Actually Said "Retarded," Is Immature Even for an 8th Grader




Joe Flacco is none too pleased with next year's Super Bowl being in a cold weather stadium without a retractable roof. So displeased, in fact, that he had this to say:

I think it's retarded.

Joe Flacco thinks it's "retarded." That's what he thinks of it. That means he thinks it's negative. Being retarded is negative. You hear that, everyone with special needs? If you have a mental disability, you're bad. Joe Flacco thinks you're bad. He thinks you're a retard who is just as retarded as having the retarded Super Bowl in retarded cold retarded New Jersey. What retards run the NFL, am I right?


You can't say that to the press. I'm sorry. This is absolutely ridiculous. That gay faggot retard asshole 13-year-old Joe Flacco should face a fine and possibly a suspension. This is like when Kobe called a ref a "fucking faggot", except Kobe didn't necessarily know that the cameras were on him. Joe Flacco said this word at a PRESS EVENT. ON SUPER BOWL MEDIA GODDAMN DAY. He said this on the biggest media day of the football season. He said the word "retarded." Think about how guarded and squeaky-clean NFL quarterbacks are supposed to be, and usually are in interviews. And then think about how Joe Flacco called something he didn't like RETARDED! This is mind-blowing to me. I can't get over this. I'm just...I don't know. I don't have anything more to say. This is really truly ridiculous. Joe Flacco is an immature little boy.


His next sentence was "I probably shouldn't say that." Good cover, asshole! I hate you.

Friday, January 25, 2013

Props, Kenneth Faried

I try so hard to be cynical and jaded about everything, but then some things are just awesome and break through my steely iceman demeanor. Kenneth Faried speaking candidly in favor of marriage equality while seated next to his two moms is one of those things.


"Nobody can ever tell me that I can't have two mothers. Because I really do"

Keep doin' your thing, Manimal.


Thursday, January 24, 2013

Swagalicious: Justin Upton is a Brave

This morning, the Braves completed a trade for Justin Upton and became the NL favorites (more on this later). The long-rumored trade seemed improbable, the type of trade you make on an Internet comment thread, but not one that actually takes place. However, Braves fans' dreams came true. After vetoing a trade to the Mariners, Justin Upton will join older brother B.J. in the Braves' outfield for the next three seasons.

The Braves also acquired third baseman Chris Johnson in exchange for Randall Delgado, Martin Prado, Zeke Spruill, Nick Ahmed, and Brandon Drury. Chris Johnson is penciled in as the Braves starter or will at least split time with Wily Mo Pena 2.0 (in that he is fat, strikes out a ton, and on any pitch thrown by a righty the ball might go 500 feet) Juan Francisco.

Swag.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Literally the Entire 42 Letters



Definitely the biggest sports story of the week right here. Yup. This was it.

Our one-year blogaversary was on the 18th. Should we do an oral history of The Whole 42 Minutes? Everyone's doing them nowadays. WE NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE THIS HUGE AND NOW LOOK AT WHAT WE'VE BECOME.

Your letters:

What are the 5 most exciting NBA teams?

I'm interpreting the "exciting" as "exciting to watch," so here's my list:

5. Rockets
4. Nuggets
3. Golden State
2. Thunder
1. Lob City beetch Lob Lob City beetch

Friday, January 18, 2013

Phoenix Crashing

Last night, the Milwaukee Bucks ended one of the more ignominious streaks in sports, winning in Phoenix for the first time since 1986. Their 24 consecutive road games lost to the Suns were just two losses shy of the longest continuous losing streak in NBA history, set by the immediately post-LeBron Cavaliers. Remarkably, this wasn't the current record for futility in an opponent's arena, as Golden State has not won in its past 27 tries in San Antonio. But regardless of its standing in the annals of flukish streaks, this latest Suns loss seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back: today, Suns coach Alvin Gentry has stepped down.

The Phoenix Suns, everybody.

Conference Championships

At the end of Sunday, two teams will be singing this song and two will not be singing that song.

Playoff Picks
Sean: 5-3
Jon: 5-3
Steve: 2-4

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Pau Gasol Is Good Enough To Be Bad

It's very possible that Pau Gasol, key cog on two Lakers championship teams and one of the most skilled big men in the NBA, is simply washed up. He hasn't put up big numbers the past two years (although in 2011 he was Second Team All-NBA), and he's a 32-year-old center who's played a ton of minutes for his career and in the past five years especially. Just because teammate Kobe Bryant is doing borderline unprecedented things at his age and minutes level doesn't mean everyone will stay at such a high level. Gasol did look great in the Olympics this past summer, but a lot of guys have looked borderline unstoppable during March Madness (another fast-paced two-week tournament) and flamed out in the NBA. Two weeks does not a comeback make.

Pau Gasol makes a face


Friday, January 11, 2013

Divisional Round

DivisiONNNNNNNN DIVISION! Like Fiddler on the Roof! You know what I'm trying to say? Okay let's just get to it.

Playoff Picks
Sean: 3-1
Jon: 3-1
Steve: 1-3

AFC
* Note that all picks are against the spread, not straight up.

Broncos v. Ravens (-9)
Google Image Search: "Peyton Manning Derp"

Thursday, January 10, 2013

All right, who voted for Aaron Sele and Steve Finley?


                                                      No disrespect                                                                   No disrespect

Your three favorite bloggers were absolutely disgusted by yesterday's announcement that NO ONE will be making the Baseball Hall of Fame this year. We have all taken to the Internet to express our displeasure, with Sean outlining a logical Hall of Fame ballot (with which I agree about 90%), and Jon going HAM on the downright gross baseball writers who vote on this thing.

My rage is taking me in a slightly different direction. I want the ballots to stop being anonymous. These ballots should be public. We need to know who has never voted for Tim Raines, and we damn well should know who voted for Aaron GD Sele.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The BBWAA Is Nothing But A Bunch Of Slimy Hypocrites

The Baseball Writers Association of America has gone mad with power, appointing itself as the watchdog of ethics in baseball.


It's the ultimate irony of ironies, and this time I'm certain I'm using that word correctly. Apparently, no players who retired in the last twenty years were worthy of enshrinement in baseball's Hall of Fame this year, an incredible fluke when you consider that eras must have dominant players or else everyone would be roughly equal. I've been letting my rage about this fester for a while, as writer after writer openly and brazenly refused to be open to reasoned analysis regarding the Hall of Fame vote, but it finally boiled over today. The BBWAA is nothing but a bunch of slimy hypocrites and they should be ashamed of themselves.

A Logical Hall of Fame Ballot

Earlier today, the Baseball Writers Association of America (BBWAA) failed to vote a single player into the Hall of Fame for the first time since 1996. When forced to answer the question of what they'd do with players from the so-called "steroid era," the writers assumed guilt without evidence in many cases and continued to deny admission to people who deserve a spot (#freeTimRaines). Jon is going to eviscerate these geriatric assholes later tonight, but for now I'll just write who I think deserves to make it.


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Whole 42 Letters: I'm A Terrible Person Edition

I apologize that there was no mailbag last week. We had been on a half-year roll with these mailbags, always posting once a week, and I missed last week. I'm like the guy who screws up the rhythm in an awesome round of catch by dropping an easy throw. I'm the Jermichael Finley of mailbags.

In the time since the last mailbag, the NHL has ended its lockout. Let's celebrate with A Hockey Musical! Starring a guy who kinda looks like Steve Buscemi!




Your questions:

Everybody Shut Up About 'Melo And KG

Hey Sean and Steve and everybody else making this a story: shut the fuck up about this dust-up between KG and 'Melo.

(Ironic that you keep blaming the media for making this a thing when all the players are laughing it off. YOU GUYS BOTH WROTE ABOUT IT!)

They had just played a hard-fought game, in which Anthony stunk and KG got under his skin. The Celtics, playing without Rajon Rondo because Danny Ferry is a snitch, beat the Knicks, further infuriating Anthony. Then they yelled at each other after the game.

They didn't pull knives on each other. No one threw a punch or really came close as far as we know. Amar'e didn't punch a fire extinguisher. Paul Pierce didn't require a wheelchair. 'Sheed didn't hotbox the Celtics' bus. Legitimately crazy J.R. Smith didn't do anything legitimately crazy. In fact, NOTHING happened.

KG is a fake tough guy. So is Carmelo Anthony. Sean is right that KG's shtick is wearing thin, but it's also effective, and he got to Carmelo. He goes over the line sometimes, and precedent does matter - after all, Rondo got suspended for lightly bumping an official - but Garnett didn't go over the line last night. He was his usual nasty, crazy, bitching self (in that regard, Steve is right, too).

This "fight" was some WWE-style shit, just posturing for the sake of posturing. Nobody was actually going to fight anybody else. This is not a story.

So shut the fuck up. Now.

Melo Trying to Start a Fight is KG's Fault?


So Carmelo Anthony went after KG after last night's Celtics win in Madison Square Garden. Anthony and Garnett often found each other matched up during the game, and got into a war of words that led to a double technical foul (albeit a really stupid double technical). They were going at it more and more as the game went on, and Melo didn't like the fact that KG a) was trash talking him? and b) KG made him play defense?

Carmelo Anthony Kevin Garnett
Actually looks kinda nice

Kevin Garnett is the Ray Lewis of the NBA

Last night, Carmelo Anthony waited outside the Celtic team bus presumably to scream at/fight Kevin Garnett or perhaps to back up a promise he'd made to see him after the game. Anthony's stupid move doesn't mean much in the grand scheme of things (of course don't tell the media that), except that a superstar player lost his cool after his team lost due to his poor performance (my quick take on the game: the Knicks miss Felton badly and Melo got lost in a raucous environment and stupidly played hero ball on a cold shooting night).

Knicks-Celtics has the makings of a great rivalry and hopefully you were watching that instead of Brett Musberger leering at college girls. However, watching KG during the game coupled with Ray Lewis announcing his retirement after the season from football (don't worry, he'll be sitting next to Chris Berman for years to come...back back back to the point) made me think: aren't these guys the same?*



Saturday, January 5, 2013

What's Really Important: Ranking Starting QBs' Names


http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/carrollcountytimes.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/5/94/59478634-205c-11e0-bda0-001cc4c002e0/4d311c7c570b1.image.jpg

We've reached the end of the NFL regular season, and before we say good-bye to the 20 teams that didn't make the playoffs, I'd like to do one more very important exercise: ranking each team's starting QB by name.

The definition of "starting quarterback" will mean whoever was the team's chosen starting quarterback by the end of this season, for the most part. There are some gray areas for complicated teams (Eagles, Jets, Cardinals, etc.), but you'll get the picture.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Hating on the 11 Playoff Teams that aren't the Packers

I'm a lot of things, but I certainly am not objective when it comes to sports. If you've read any single thing I have ever written for this blog, you'll know that I hate most teams that aren't mine. So, why not put all of that hate into one post on every NFL playoff team that is fighting with my Packers for the Super Bowl?

Hit me baby