Friday, February 15, 2013

42 of 'em

A lot of good letters sent in this week. I guess all the cool fans of the blog wait till it's ol' Brown Bear's turn to answer their letters to send 'em on in. Wise. My nickname is Brown Bear.


What if it came out that biden's wife didn't die in a car accident but he set the whole thing up. What the hell would happen?

Yeah, what if, I guess. No but seriously, it would obviously be the ginormousest story. It would be Manti Te'o except with actual, like, consequences.

The thing about Biden's wife dying tragically is that I don't know if it helped him or Obama get elected that much. If it came out that the story was untrue, every idiot would say THAT NEGRO WOULDN'T BE GIVING ALL OUR JOBS TO THE MUSLIMS IN AFRICA IF WE KNEW THIS BEFORE. Like, for instance, I forgot that this was even a thing until I read this question, and Biden has been married to his second wife Jill for years. But it would absolutely ruin Joe Biden's career. I think he's reasonably likely to run for president in 2016, so that would put the kibosh on that little plan. I think Obama would probably make him resign so that he could make Hillary Clinton the next VP, giving her the Gore advantage to becoming the next president. We all know how well that worked out for Al Gore.

(He lost.)

What do you think about wrestling not being an Olympic sport anymore?

So starting in 2020, the IOC said the Olympics will no longer have wrestling events. I really don't get it at all. They're getting rid of it essentially because it's not popular and no one watches it. They're implying that more people watch, like, rowing than wrestling. More people watch boxers wearing goddamn headgear than wrestling. I find this somewhat hard to believe. Wrestling is probably one of the most global sports in the Olympics, and I don't think they need to get rid of it. It seems really odd. Maybe I'm missing something here, but I just do not get it at all. #SAVEOLYMPICWRESTLING


What do you think about Lil Wayne?

He's good. There was a period, maybe still ongoing, when people were saying that he's the best rapper alive. I don't think that's ever been true, but his music is generally pretty good, and much of it is pretty great. My favorite verse of his is from the Drake song "I'm Goin' In," mostly because he very hilariously rhymes "doing" with "urine" and that's just balls to the wall.

Okay, what do you think about this short-sleeve jersey business? It's the stupidest thing ever, why improve upon a thing that wasn't broken, it's like automatic towel dispensers.

Yeah those things are the boxer briefs of the NBA. I'm usually all about the weird and whacky uniforms, but I'm having a little trouble with these. I want to think they're cool. It's like how I feel about the band The Police. I really want to like them, but I just don't. I just can't. It is NOT how I feel about Steely Dan. I want to like them and I DO LIKE THEM. I'm a mature adult.

In your opinion, which is the best Star Wars movie?

Gotta be Attack of the Clones, right? That's everyone's favorite, right Luke?

Oh oh oh oh oh. It's Empire Strikes Back, in large part because of that scene. Darthy is his FATHER?! HE'S LUKE'S FUCKING FATHER?!?!?!?! Try to imagine seeing that for the first time. You're sitting in a theater in 1980 on opening night, and you have no idea what's about to happen. And Vadey's talkin' 'bout "I AM YOUR FATHER." I would have thrown up and passed out. And then that one guy after the movie is like OH YEAH I TOTALLY CALLED THAT ONE LAST MOVIE BRO. Shut the fuck up early '80s bro.

What place will the Red Sox finish this season?

The Red Sox will win 82 games and finish in 4th place. Either the Rays or Baltimore will finish below them. This division is stiggity stacked, and I think the Blue Jays might actually be the real deal. They just need to avoid injuries, which would just be so un-Blue Jay-y of them.

No matter how many times I look it up, I can never remember whether, when writing out a height, the apostrophe stands for feet and the quotation mark stands for inches, or vice versa. Do you have any little things like this that just won't stick?

Yeah I got a big thing and I think I know right where to stick it.

Gregg Easterbrook, noted pseudo-intellectual racist, recently said that he wouldn't put Randy Moss in his top 10 receivers of all time, in response to Moss declaring that he should be regarded as the best receiver of all time. Where should he be ranked?

Okay, so of the three major sports (sorry I'm not sorry hockey), football is the sport I know the least about by far. I don't know how to evaluate greatness in football like I theoretically do in baseball and basketball. So this is a decently tough question. But I'll apply my normal greatness-measuring skills to try to come up with a decent picture of where Randy Moss ranks among receivers all-time.

Raw talent-wise, Moss might just be #1 ever. He's a Wilt Chamberlain in this respect. But one has to consider production, longevity, and historical context when judging greatness. Jerry Rice is your #1 receiver of all time, no questions asked. I don't think anyone with half a brain could disagree with that. After that, it's sort of a free-for-all. The cop out answer is Don Hutson for his "importance to the game," which is obviously just a cute way of saying that you can't decide between Marvin Harrison and Cris Carter.

The problem with looking at raw stats for football is that the game changes dramatically all the time. The all-time receptions list looks like the all-time saves list. Everyone who's way up there played within the last 30 years. Isaac Bruce is 7th. Hines Ward is 8th. Muhsin Muhammad is 4 spots ahead of Steve Largent. It's weird. I think you have to give the Largents and Hutsons and Swanns and Maynards some credit, even though they're not as prolific stats-wise Mason.

So considering all that, I'd say Moss is probably like around 4th on the all-time list. He's definitely in the top 10. I wouldn't be mad if someone had him at 2, and I wouldn't be mad if someone had him at 9. But he's definitely in there.

My mom has a huge crush on Michael Strahan what do I do?

Why is that a problem? That's either racism or gaptoothism. And I will not stand for either! YOU'RE AN ANTI-DENTITE!

The Celtics aren't better without Rondo, are they?

NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! The thing with the Celtics now is that they're leaning on Paul Pierce for their offense. Paul Pierce is still a great offensive player, and he's an excellent facilitator when he needs to be. The problem is that he's gonna wear down really soon. He played over 50 minutes in that 3OT game against Denver. He's playing a ton, and they really can't play without him. That's why they need Rondo. It's also true that Jeff Green has played a little better, but the second I say that a better Jeff Green makes up at all for a missing Rondo is the day that...well...I'll be wrong about that, on that day.


1 comment:

  1. Great answers Brown Bear. Glad we're in line with the Star Wars business.

    Also, question, Rondo/Howard trade?! Do you realize how confused I will be?!