Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Knicks Win at Absurd Subplots

The NBA regular season is really long and really really boring for the most part. Luckily, as a Knicks fan, this team has been blessed with a cast of characters that do enough stupid stuff to keep us entertained through all the back-to-backs against the Pistons and Cavaliers.

Here's a long list of the more memorable subplots. In reality, I've probably forgotten like half of the ridiculous things that have happened. Somehow the Knicks got the #2 seed and provided us a lot of fun along the way.

Pablo Prigioni loses weight by cutting out whole milk from his diet

Chris Copeland wears pajamas and a Dora the Explorer backpack because Marcus Camby is old and I guess we have to laugh at his jokes

JR lays the pipe.

JR Instagrams pictures of Mike Woodson's "shirts."

Steve Novak and Nate Robinson trash talk about a celebration aped from a State Farm insurance commercial.

Carmelo goes on a 15 day Daniel fast. Amar'e one ups him by going full vegan.

Melo says he doesn't want to score 30-40 points a game anymore and averages nearly 29 on the season.

Honey Nut Cheerio-Gate

James Dolan has large microphones record Carmelo's on court conversations post-Honey Nut Cheerio gate

Ray Felton breaks finger, everyone worries he'll be fat again.

Sheed boxes.

Sheeds gets ejected immediately.

Melo is scared of needles, finally gets knee drained and immediately starts dominating.

Amar'e needs two knee surgeries, releases documentary about himself on eve on Knicks starting the playoffs.

Kurt Thomas plays better with a broken foot, gets released because he has a broken foot.

James White and Steve Novak suck on All-Star Saturday.

Jason Kidd gets a DUI before ever playing for the Knicks

JR Smith miraculously discovers driving to the rim and is likely winner of Sixth man of the year.

Iman Shumpert drops "Knicks Anthem."

Iman Shumpert isn't allowed to keep Adidas Stripes in his head.

Melo wins scoring title.

Knicks suck from January to March.

Melo plays power forward.

Ray Felton talks trash about Mario Chalmers.

Melo drops 50 on the Heat.

Kurt Thomas hits a three.

JR Smith promises a Knicks tattoo if they win a championship, turns out he already has a Yankees and New Jersey Devils tattoo.

Solomon Jones plays and is immediately cut.

Quentin Richardson is signed solely to troll Paul Pierce.

JR Smith tweets at Kris Humphries about Kanye after the Nets beat the Knicks.

Sheed comes back for game against Charlotte, plays four minutes then re-retires.

Future subplot: Quentin Richardson, Melo, and Jason Kidd swap stories on dating Toni Braxton, La La, and Brandi.