Monday, July 15, 2013

The Audio Derby

I know very few things about life, but I have a few axioms I try to live by. Only eat at an ethnic restaurant which that ethnicity is frequenting. Always (ALWAYS) take the urinal farthest from anyone else in the bathroom. Never enter a bathroom until 30 minutes after Guy Fieri has vacated it (many of these rules are bathroom-etiquette related). This is all basic stuff, but it matters. When it comes to sports, I have only one: you can't call yourself a real sports fan until you've listened to the Home Run Derby broadcast on radio.

I really mean that. Sports are inherently a visual experience, none moreso than a pure stakes-free spectacle like the Derby. The event is literally batting practice, which for obvious reasons doesn't usually get the play-by-play treatment (and for which you can arrive early at a game to watch at no extra charge). It's a marketing dream - people only watch baseball for the homers! - and an utter bore, a bunch of millionaires trying to flex their competitive muscles in a non-competitive competition somehow more monotonously repetitive than an actual baseball game. It's also the basic contradiction of the Steroid and post-Steroid Eras in baseball writ large in one goofy event: live by the home run and die by the home run.

World Peace Comes to New York (Zing!)

This afternoon, Adrian Wojnarowski reported that Metta World Peace, nee Ron Artest, will return to New York City on a two-year deal with the Knicks. The Knicks could use some perimeter defense and a guy who can shoot 3s decently (at least from the corners, where he made 37.8% last season, just about league average). Overall this is a pretty smart move to strengthen up the Knicks' bench and wings since Iman Shumpert and JR Smith profile more as shooting guards and Carmelo Anthony is best as a power forward.

Yes, that is a Lakers shirt and Knicks hat combo.

"The Talk" In America

I'm fortunate enough never to have needed "the talk" from my parents. In fact, none of my white friends got "the talk" as far as I know. But this is a conversation that goes on in black families alongside the "don't talk to strangers" talk and the "what to do if there's a fire" talk. "The talk" teaches black kids how to deal with a police officer who sees you as a threat. Trayvon Martin, whatever he did, may not have obeyed the lessons of "the talk," and that's why he's dead. George Zimmerman walks free today, and that's why "the talk" is necessary. America doesn't care about another black kid lying dead on the street.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

2nd Annual Advanced Stat All-Stars

It's now time for me to tell you what the REAL All-Star teams should be in this year. I outlined my methodology last year and I'm going to be doing it the same way this year. I'll also throw in pitchers this year, 2 starters and 2 relievers. Let's just dive right in, okay?

Jed Lowrie and Josh Donaldson - Seattle Mariners v Oakland Athletics

American League

Catcher: Joe Mauer, Jason Castro

First base: Chris Davis, Edwin Encarnacion

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

The Internet, Where Everyone is a Troll: Jason Collins's Free Agency and the New York Times

The New York Times is synonymous with quality journalism, in-depth and worldwide reporting, and is basically held up as the antithesis to dipshitty blogs written by kids in their 20s and Internet trolls. However, to quote Howie Day's "Collide": even the best fall down (and Internet troll) sometimes. Howard Beck, a respected Nets and Knicks beat writer (or, more likely, his editors), published a piece that vaguely speculated on Jason Collins's free agency. I guess a few page clicks are more important than, you know, journalism and an understanding of NBA free agency.

Monday, July 1, 2013


I'm very sad about Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett being traded.