Friday, February 13, 2015

Ranking the Months

12. November--Thanksgiving is fine but there's less sun and it brings the doom that is freezing your dick off for the next five months.

11. March--Super fucking overrated month. It's got 0 holidays and 31 days. That's a long working month. Also, March Madness keeps getting moved later and later. It's barely in March anymore, all you've got are lame spring training stories, regular season NBA games, and that day when you decide you're not going to wear a coat anymore on principle and die of hypothermia.

10. February--February is pretty miserable. It's got the leap year day which is mildly interesting for two seconds every four years. But yeah, it's by far the worst sports month and cold. I'm starting to think this post has a theme. Also, right now it is February.

9. January--NFL playoffs plus winter break are nice. Downside is that it's cold and you're likely to get an adult snow day that wrecks your week.

8. December--Christmas, all the good movies of the year, and the end of the NFL regular season. All pretty good. The downside is if you're in school like this nerdy nerd blogger you've probably got final exams. Also, it's cold still. But cookies and hot toddies.

7. April--Baseball opening day is fucking awesome. I remember the Jason Heyward home run like it was yesterday. If we had the blog then, Steve and Jon would have stopped being my friend because I would've written ten posts about it. But don't worry, Jon was finding himself in Europe that semester so he missed out on all the fun. NBA first round playoffs are pretty good, especially recently. April is too inconsistent to go any higher though. Some years it is great because there's that one day where women decide it's time to wear skirts or dresses. Some years it is still cold and there's snow everywhere and you think you'll never be warm again.

6. October--Baseball playoffs and NFL regular season are nice. Note to everyone: go to NFL games now instead of November. Tailgating is much less fun when you're basically just huddled around a grill fire for warmth and drinking until you don't feel cold. Go when it's like nice and stuff outside. October sometimes brings snow, which ohmygod whyyyyyy.

5. August--August is the month where the summer drags and drags and you're all like ugh I'm bored, then you'd go back to school as a kid and be miserable. In Virginia, school kept starting earlier and earlier.

4. July--Not that high, surprisingly. July is kind of a dead sports month; it's got the ESPYs for example. It's also frequently too hot to really enjoy being outside. Or you're working in an office and praying that when you do go outside you won't be sweaty for the rest of the day.

3. June--The start of summer break, you're still excited about the heat, there's stuff to do outside, you have a ton of daylight. Prettay prettay good. No one is ever complaining that it's June. Possible downside is that you've always got 2 or 3 days between NBA Finals games and there isn't much to pass the time. I guess there's like the French Open. Sportswise it's not great, but life-wise it's good.

2. May--May is real nice. First off, it's actually warm the entire month. None of this 'well actually it's going to be cold this weekend' (fuck you April). It's also early enough in the baseball season where Mets fans show up and think they have a chance. Come July they are busy reading threads on Single-A pitching prospects, so this is your best chance to make fun of them for Mike Piazza not being in the Hall of Fame. NBA playoffs are pretty sweet here too, 2nd and 3rd rounds which, as everyone knows, is where it is at.

1. September--Boom, first of all, it's got my birthday. That alone makes it the best month. Second, you've got real nice weather, maybe even a little leaves changing action. Also, there's the beginning of football and the pennant races. Shows start again a lot. There's some good stuff there, ya know.

Note: If any of the weather comments don't apply to you because you are a smart person who lives in a place that is always warm then FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

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